For most of my life I've been swirling around in a stuck pattern of concern about what other people thought. Avoiding what I really wanted to say, do, and be because 'what will they think, what if I fail, what if I'm 'wrong''?
Early on I heard from people around me: "you're not doing it right."
It was a 'joke' but it didn't feel like one to me. I took it literally. I felt like no matter what I did - it wasn't ever 'good' or 'enough' or 'RIGHT'.
I felt no incentive to try or practice - because I was always going to hear "you're not doing it right."
It broke my heart repeatedly - and I found ways to put myself in a safe box of what was acceptable.
Somewhere along the line I got some wisdom around - You don't have to believe this. What if there is no 'right' 'wrong' good' 'bad' 'mistakes' 'failures'?
Have you heard quotes like this?: "there are no failures, just opportunities' or “The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” - Henry Ford ?
Hate to break it to you - they're 'right'.
When I dropped the weight of feeling ' I have do things perfectly, and timely, and I have to look good while I'm doing it (WTF is that about?) - I have to do it RIGHT!!!' - things got more fun.
Here's 3 steps to prime your system for giving less F*s to what doesn't matter.
1) Say what you mean, Believe what you say, Speak the Truth
- Hiding your truth helps no one. And it not only hurts YOU - it hurts people around you. When you speak... internally to yourself, and externally to others - do you mean what you say? Do you believe it? Is it true? Is your speech an improvement on silence? (Swami Kripalu) I could write a book about this... but for now - are you willing to experiment with intentional speech? Take one day this week and pay attention to your words. Notice where you're speaking nonsense just to fill space and where are your opportunities for truth dropping? Does your language empower and contribute? Or does it deplete, drain, or diminish?
2) Give yourself FULL permission to 'make mistakes', 'crash and burn', just GO FOR IT!
- Go wild! WHEN has staying small, tip toeing around others, and shutting up ever done anything any 'good'? You are 1 moment away from turning it UP - having an awakening bigger than your current state, and making a life changing impact all around you. What would it be like to give yourself permission to hold back nothing - because you're interested in living out loud?
3) Forgive yourself + Trust the Process
- Last time I checked - you're a freakin human. Most of us are walking around as our own internal punching bags? Do you relate? Keep a running list or tally TODAY of how many times and in what ways you are internally beating yourself up. Use this forgiveness practice to put it to rest! (h'oponopono) How many F*'s a day are you giving to a black hole of broken dreams inside where your truth goes to die? Give more F*'s to forgiveness, sweetness, self love, and gratitude!
Doubt is normal. But when we spend a lot of time in doubt - we live tiny and stuck! When you choose to truth the process - life shows up with blessings. Life shows up with clear lessons - epiphanies - insights - and SUPPORT! Your path of purpose is just a trusting moment away.
Tip for trust? Take a deep breath - squeeze your hands tight tight tight - exhale and let go! Keep letting go - you're only somewhat in charge ;)
Example A- This blog! Those of you who have been following me for some time know I was coming up with only crickets for a WHILE. The resistance was REAL for me in writing this blog. Only because I was scared. I wanted it to be good and perfect for you!
I didn't want any of you to judge me or dislike me. It was about "what do they want to hear" rather than "this is what's on my heart and this is what I have a responsibility to share - no matter what"
So I just didn't write. I chose to be stuck because it felt easier at the time than being vulnerable.
Then: I worked myself through these 3 steps - and voila!
Now - I. Can't. Stop. Writing. This. Blog.
Sorry - not sorry ;)
Someone offered me this perspective: what's scarier? Doing it - or not doing it? If I die next week - would I be pissed that I didn't just write the blog - YES
Where in your life are you trying to be a robot? People pleaser?
Where in your life are you trying to be "Perfect"?
What are you not doing because you're scared of 'failing' 'not doing it right' or 'perfectly' or 'making a mistake'?
What are you WAITING on because you're too scared about what other people think?
If you didn't give a F*... what would you say differently? How would you dress? How would you be? What would you DO?
Ask yourself - Is that serving the greater purpose of my life? How is that impacting not only my life, but the lives around me? The greater consciousness of this planet?
My unsolicited advice? :) DO IT. Expect to crash and burn sometimes - and expect to soar.
Some of the most brilliant discoveries are made imperfectly or because of a 'mistake'.
You are part of this life and life wants to happen through you in all kinds of ways. Not just 'right' ones.
Check out more Failure quotes here