© Annaliese Koltermann Life Coaching + Bodywork

7 Steps from Epic Fail to Back on Top

February 21, 2018

A few weeks ago I was gifted with several experiences that broke me down.  The first two were typical ethical and emotional binds and the third felt like a complete destruction and uncharacteristic 'fail'.  I don't typically like to use that word: fail.  But that's exactly what it felt like.


I missed the mark, BIG TIME and inspired pain and embarrassment in someone I cared about.


None of it was intended, of course.  


But I found myself feeling completely shattered and lost.  The thought was WTF did I do?  Am I bad at life?


These three events were all related to my business - all different aspects of it, but all relational.  The crux of my work is human interaction and connection.  And with these triggers hitting home like three perfectly thrown pitches - I was ready to throw in the towel.  Forget it and just pick up farming instead.  (no offense to farmers!)


Well - Thanks to the nature of what it means to be alive in this Universe - the energy shifted - and along with the action I took to pick my heart and my guts back up - I came back stronger, softer, and powerfully bright.


Ever find yourself amidst an 'epic fail'?


Ever wonder why you're doing what you're doing and feel like quitting?


Are you ready to flip that switch, grow the F* up, and keep going?


This one's for you.


These are the 7 things I did to do just that.  Read on and try it out for yourself!


1) Take ownership.  Be responsible for what happened.  Don't even think about blaming anyone for where you find yourself.  This is NOT about beating yourself up - it's about being accountable for the reality you created.  No One else got you here - it's no one's fault - not even you.  Responsibility is accountability, not fault.  When you take ownership of your state, guess what?  You realize what happened, how it happened, how to change it, and how to avoid the same thing in the future.


How do you do this? 


Simply take a deep breath and give yourself permission to say "I f*ed up, I'm here in the epic fail state and I take responsibility."  Note that this is not about anyone else but you.  Keep this to yourself.  This is about YOUR internal responsibility, nonjudgmentally of course.


2) Trust you did the best you could at the time, that was enough, choose to accept and release it.  Now it's about taking a step back and recognizing you did the absolute best you could at the time with the resources you had.  If you have the thought "no, I could have done better" You're not ready for this step.  You truly couldn't, it happened, it's over. Now it's time to accept it and release it.


How do you do this?


Get true.  What is really true about this - not what you think - but what is truly true about this?  Drop any thoughts of doubt and regret.  Acknowledge that you are a divine being living a human life which inevitably involves complications.  Write yourself a letter and confirm that you are in a process, learning life's lessons through experiences.  Affirm that you are continually becoming better at being you.  Give yourself permission to trust this lesson and release what happened.


3) Shift your attention to the lesson + gratitude.  What are you learning (maybe painfully) through this gift?  No matter the feeling: this experience was / is a gift.  We grow wisdom by being thrown into life in this exact way.  The conditions are perfect for you to learn and grow - why else would you be experiencing this?  Bring your attention to gratitude.


How do you do this?


Make a list of all the new awarenesses you now have about yourself etc from this experience.  Careful that you are using only life affirming language.  If you sense any self deprecation: you're not ready for this step.  Choose to feel gratitude for learning all these new ways to evolve and become a better you.  Write down what is good, and beautiful about this experience.  How are you changing because of this?  What parts of you are you leaving behind and who are you growing into from here?


4) Lean into Support.  Call a friend.  Find two people you trust and lean into them for counsel.  We ALL need support.  It's helpful to speak through our thoughts and let them land on another's ears.  Invite your friend(s) to offer you support, affirmation, and confirmation about your worth, your skillfulness, and your ability to choose transformation over wallow.  Careful that you don't just energy leak on everyone of your friends - or dare I say - complain about it on social media :/  I call that: support whoring.  You don't need EVERYONE's support.  


How do you do this?


Choose people you trust and sincerely want support from.  Ask if they're willing to hold you in a container of nonjudgmental listening and if you want it: advice or counsel.  Let them know what you want / need and receive what they offer.  If something they offer doesn't work for you at that time - it's not their fault.  Let that roll off you and take what does work.  Show up vulnerably.  If they're a true friend they won't judge you.


5) Forgive yourself.  It's time to fully forgive your sweet self.  The reason this step is all the way down here is because there may still be an ounce of doubt still creeping in the dugout.  Bring that thing out into the light and let it totally dissolve.  By now, you realize that you are enough, you did the best you could, you are supported, and these lessons are worth more than your ego.  So take a deep breath, and release your whole self from the chopping block.


How do you do this?


Check out my blog on Forgiveness HERE


6) Damage control.  Now that you're in alignment with your true nature, and you are empowered again, backed up by your support team, and forgiven - you're ready to do that lovely damage control.  Without the voice of your ego, what action do you now need to do to 'fix' things.  If you're still emotionally charged or 'upset' you're not ready for this step.  


How do you do this?


If this involved another person: have that conversation, if you feel like you F*ed up or said something that hurt another person (intended or not), say THAT, and make that apology.  You are not apologizing for 'making' someone feel a certain way... you are apologizing for your part in whatever occurred, and whatever missetp you want to take responsibility for.  What can you do to pacify this situation and turn this epic fail into a raging success?  There's ALWAYS something.  Do what you know you need to do, even if you don't want to.  You'll be glad you did, and oh yeah, your ego needs to take a backseat.


If this didn't involve another person: what actions do you know need to occur for healing and integration?


7) Set new course.  What now?  How are you choosing to show up now?  I imagine you've received some energy and insight from the previous 6 steps, so what will you do or be with them?  This one's up to you.  This step might include your intention or your EFAP Epic Fail Avoidance Plan.  Don't misunderstand - you will have an epic fail again!  But maybe this one gave you some tools to prevent the same EF.  


One last step: CELEBRATE how awesome you are!!!  It's completely possible to go from rock bottom confidence, riddled with doubt, and feeling like a failure to Empowered, Stutting with confidence and Grace, Scourceror of the dreaded EF. 


Celebrate what joy it is to be in the human experience.  None of this is guaranteed - so how are you making the best of the ride?


You absolutely are crushing it - and I heard once that Major EF's are character building ; )




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